dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
