I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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