i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We need to get me chipped asap
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
