I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
