I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
it was like eating out sand paper
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
