My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
