its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
