Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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