also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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