There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
