my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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