i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
i need some magic done to my vagina
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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