wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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