My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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