what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
