i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Randomize
