finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
