I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
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