I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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