Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
