she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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