i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
