My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
