I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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