i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
