So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
