Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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