Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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