they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize