my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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