i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
