I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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