Sorry, I don't speak sober.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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