just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
