What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
