Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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