he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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