I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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