You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
zippers are such a cool invention
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
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