If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
