ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
