Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.