i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
