barbara walters just said penis...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.