So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
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People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
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You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(