Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
