Texts From Last Night

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  (631): View more from New York

  k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.

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  (631): k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not. http://tfl.nu/ari1
  Replies (15) Good night (982) Bad night (7672)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.

  (1-615): View more from Tennessee

  I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.

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  (615): Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess. (1-615): I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea. (615): Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight. http://tfl.nu/tw6c
  Replies (41) Good night (656) Bad night (2520)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking

  (1-541): View more from Oregon

  only in oregon

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  (541): at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking (1-541): only in oregon http://tfl.nu/1bea
  Replies (156) Good night (7688) Bad night (1183)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.

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  (803): i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move. http://tfl.nu/ml5e
  Replies (15) Good night (1630) Bad night (4639)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.

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  (907): I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even. http://tfl.nu/24fg
  Replies (13) Good night (5868) Bad night (962)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?

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  (803): If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right? http://tfl.nu/9kx0
  Replies (22) Good night (4428) Bad night (1797)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase

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  (250): We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase http://tfl.nu/f5g4
  Replies (13) Good night (3577) Bad night (916)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.

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  (269): I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now. http://tfl.nu/er1x
  Replies (7) Good night (1332) Bad night (764)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.

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  (617): Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it. http://tfl.nu/fza1
  Replies (10) Good night (890) Bad night (1371)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.

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  (502): I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this. (502): Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward. http://tfl.nu/u5vx
  Replies (11) Good night (2144) Bad night (544)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?

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  (734): I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening? http://tfl.nu/odfb
  Replies (8) Good night (621) Bad night (1053)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!

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  (513): You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up! http://tfl.nu/45jw
  Replies (3) Good night (748) Bad night (499)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.

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  (514): The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap. http://tfl.nu/k7gv
  Replies (2) Good night (628) Bad night (417)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore

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  (267): If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore http://tfl.nu/3cnq
  Replies (3) Good night (1125) Bad night (353)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes

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  (386): Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes http://tfl.nu/sun0
  Replies (2) Good night (769) Bad night (189)

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