Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
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I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.