I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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