I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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