Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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