Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Randomize
