so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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