My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
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it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
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There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?