I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.