Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.