Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?