so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
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i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
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So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.