I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
