WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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