You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Enjoy the penises
Fuck me I smell like cheese
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
