Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
