Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
