babies were throwing up all over the place
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize