omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
