I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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