How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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