Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
