Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
