Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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