I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
