His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
