i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
