I'm laying in your front yard are you home
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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