But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
