oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
